Bell makes me an (incoherent) offer.July 21, 2016
An unlucky Bell rep actually got me to pick up the phone last night. Once in a while I’m in the mood to have a chat with these people and attempt to leave them in a heap on the floor. Cruel, yes, but in reality, they call me. Once you decide that you should be able to prattle on at me in my living room during the dinner hour … you get whatever I feel like dishing out.
So, this time around:
Bell guy: “We have a great deal for you sir!”
Me: (thinking, “do I dive in or just hang up?”) I dive in. “Okay, tell me all about your amazing deal”.
Bell guy: “Let me just calculate your deal for you, sir”
Me: “Seriously, don’t you phone people all day? You have to calculate the amazing deal every time? What the hell are you doing over there”.
Bell guy: “I can offer you the usual $212 service for TV, phone and internet, for only $150 … sounds great, huh?”
Me: “I currently pay, say, $50 (maybe $60) per month for all of that … have high-speed internet, calling to anywhere in the world without long distance charges, and every feature ever invented, plus I watch whatever I want in HD”.
Bell guy: “Who is your provider, sir?”
Bell guy: “hmmmmm, I cannot match those prices, sir. I can offer you all of this for $150, though, sir”.
Me: “Why would I pay 3 times as much?”
Bell guy: “You would get a dedicated Fibre line, sir”
Me: “What would that get me for the extra $100?”
Bell guy: “You would have guaranteed high-speed, sir”.
Me: “I already have enough bandwidth for 4 people to constantly stream everything they want in HD, while also using the phone … why do I need more?”
Bell: “You would have a dedicated line, sir. You would have the best HD quality, sir”
Me: “Are you suggesting that there are varying qualities of digital HD? I watch everything in 1080p … what is the resolution of this amazing HD you speak of?”
Bell: “You would have a dedicated line, sir”.
Me: “Let me explain digital to you. It’s either on or off by its very nature. You either get HD or you don’t. There isn’t really nice HD, and just okay HD. It’s all HD. If it gets to your screen, it doesn’t matter what kind of wire it came over”
Bell: “Okay sir”
Me: “So, I need you to say to me that Bell can not offer me a better deal than I already have. Can you do that?”
Bell: “No sir, Bell has the best solution in the industry”.
Me: “Well, then. I guess we’re all done here.”